March of the SUVs

V1 You can Watch me go I got an SUV

As I barrel along take a good look at me

Its black and shiny and much too big

When I hit the road i can drive like a pig

See me change lanes without a care

If im up behind you better beware

I can flash my lights and i can go like the wind

It’s so much better to act like a kid

BR ‘ Big black and bullies

We’re weaving in and out

push from behind / squeeze from the side

Wankers without a doubt oh yeah

[gap]

BR2 My car tells you everything you need to know

Im upwardly mobile important and so

V2 Get out of my way so i can get there fast

This Chelsea tractor is built to last

Heading out from the country to the town

Heading back again i own both I’m Mr Brown

At the weekend im a just country squire

In the city im sort of a prat on fire

I'm in control take a good look at me

And here’s my message from my SUV

Fuck you all I’m top of the tree

It’s written all over my SUV

Sect 2 I had a dream a lovely dream about my car x2

I dreamed I got the perfect plate that says everything about me “ARD1”

Sect 3Va Now i have to get out of my car

I’m upset coz i didn’t go far

just up to the shop for some fags at the top

Then I had to get out of my car

3 Vb My wife doesn’t like me to smoke

She treats me like some kind of joke

She says it’s corrosive, the row was explosive

Now I have given up hope

3 Vc My wife isn’t talking to me

Shes says shes neglected you see

Says shes been affected and i've been infected

by the love for my new SUV

3 Vd She took off last week without me

She took her new girlfriend to tea

She spent all my dough now I've nowhere to go

but I still got my SUV

sect 4 To be honest The car’s conversation is a lot better than the wifes

have a listen to this:

[Other voice] “what do you want to do today”

“where shall I take you”

“do you want to do anything else”

You wouldn't get that from the wife even if she was still around

She’s so ungrateful I bought her a personalised numberplate for her Micra but she still left me

She can’t get from me what she needs Since our accident

And she says she really misses the kids

Composition Notes: There is a lot of comment about how suitable large SUV type cars are for the urban environment and I was triggered to write this by a neighbour who had a vast black Audi Q7 (for only a small family) purely for status reasons. It was quite funny watching him trying to park it in a suburban close. Anyway it got me thinking.

The song is in 4 sections the first from the POV of a prattish driver the kind you often meet on the road in these vehicles. The second is about how people like to have vanity plates to underline their sense of status via their vehicle. (I don't understand why people do this but it's pretty common). Section 3 is about the car being more important than the nagging wife. In section 4 he admits that he's in love with the car.

I once had an ansaphone at work which spoke to me and said "Do you want to do anything else?" and I always found that really comical that the machine could offer me anything so I got the car to take on that persona.

I put a descant recorder on the intro to remind us that these cars literally kill children.

It is a comedy song but TBH not really it's actually an angry and annoyed song.

Recorded November 2015